Getting Closure: Fifteen Years Later

Emotional Return To Jackson Hole

As surprising as it may sound, my husband and I wanted to go back to Jackson Hole to revisit the scene of our accident. Fifteen years had passed, and we felt a return trip would provide some closure.

If you’ve read my Christian testimony, than you know that the 50th wedding anniversary celebration for my mother and father-in-law went horribly wrong. It’s taken years for our family to put the pieces of our lives back together.

Hopes and dreams were initially shattered as the old wagon wheels carrying nine of us slammed into the waters of a raging whitewater creek.

To Go Or Not To Go

Every time the topic of a vacation back to Jackson Hole came up, I chickened out when it came to making the arrangements.

How would I feel when I stepped on the same grounds that caused so much anguish years ago?

I just emotionally wasn’t ready to go . . . until June 2012.

As the days grew closer when we were to fly to Jackson Hole, I had to give myself several pep talks.

We “needed” the closure, although knowing full well a return trip would open up some emotional wounds.

Going Back to Jackson Hole

My husband and I had a plan. Since we were spending four days in Jackson Hole, the first three would be spent like an actual vacation – enjoying that beautiful town.

We also decided that, on the actual June 21st anniversary of the accident, we would head back to the ranch and visit the scene where it happened.

Jackson Hole was as beautiful as ever, just a lot more traffic. We took pictures and browsed the cute little shops in town. 

We stayed at a lovely scenic hotel. The food and accommodations helped keep our minds off the “visit” to come.

Our God is an Awesome God

One of the most breathtaking moments for us was taking the sky ride up to Rendezvous Mountain. Such exquisite beauty there – we were surrounded by God’s awesome creation.

Once we got to the top of the mountain, we were able to get off the ride and walk around. We took more pictures and sat around for awhile before we had to leave. I’ve never felt so close to Almighty God.

I thought about Moses being up on a mountain in the very presence of God.

It was awesome.

My husband and I prayed together, right there on top of the mountain. It was a touching moment that I will never forget. To be there and pray out loud to the God of heaven and earth, filled me with such a sense of gratitude and humility. 

We thanked Him for our lives, and that we’d be able to see our beloved niece again in Heaven.

That night, I wondered if I was going to get any sleep.

Big day ahead.

A Defining Moment Revisited

The next morning, the 21st, we woke up with some sadness knowing what was to come. We got in our rental car and drove about an hour to the accident scene that, many years earlier, became THE defining moment of my life.

As we drove, the memories started coming back to me – familiar terrain and road signs marked our path.

It was too late to turn back now. We stopped at a little floral shop to buy some pink roses as a memorial for our niece. I started to get teary-eyed.

Finally, we pulled into the ranch property, and drove down the long road to the main house.

There it was.

The Old Porch Swing

I remembered thinking how different (and yet the same) everything looked. The trees were overgrown, campers were milling around everywhere, busy with their own activities. Possibly the biggest numbing feeling I had though, was seeing the old porch swing in front of the building.

Looking at it took me back to that fateful day – that horrific day when the wagon we were all sitting on careened out of control and ended up in a whitewater creek.

I remember well the ranch SUV picking us up from the trail, battered and broken, taking us back to the main cabin to call an ambulance.

My nephew helped me out of the car, limping and bruised, and led me to that porch swing.

I lay there with my foot propped up for what seemed like hours while everyone was trying to find my missing niece.

I had a front row seat and watching it all play out in front of me was devastating.

Search parties scattered everywhere, covering every inch of the woods and the creek.

I pleaded with God out loud on that porch swing so long ago. I literally begged Him that searchers would be able to find her. Over and over I pleaded. I didn’t care who heard me.

God, please.

Please let them find her.

Please.

I couldn’t walk since I had broken bones. So I just lay there on that porch swing, broken in spirit and all alone.

If you read my other article, then you know that hours later, searchers found my niece. She had drowned.

Closure Brings Healing

Fast forward to our return trip back to Jackson Hole, my husband and I walked past that porch swing and made our way to the office to ask permission from the new owners to go to our accident scene to lay flowers. 

After a short visit with them, we got into our car and drove along the rocky trail to the edge of the creek – the creek that had turned so deadly years before.

It was there that every single memory hit me like a truck. As I stared out the car window as we approached the water bank, I couldn’t help but look at the trail and think about what happened there.

How life can change in an instant.

What a wake up call it was for me.

My husband and I picked up the tiny pink roses we had bought and lay the flowers on one of the large rocks at the base of the creek.

You’re always in our hearts, sweet Susanna. We will see you again.

Have You Thanked Him Yet?

This is my Christian testimony.

Life has thrown us a lot of curve balls since our life-changing accident.

Are we mad at God? Absolutely not. We know that He never leaves us, even during the difficult times.

The thing is, as believers, we were never promised an easy life.

Why do so many people misunderstand that?

Why do so many blame God when something bad happens to them?

No one, not any believer of any faith, has a free pass. It’s a harsh reality of living in a sinful world.

God promised to never leave our side. There is comfort in that.

You know, my heart was filled with grief on that old porch swing – but it was later filled as my husband and I witnessed first-hand authentic evidence of God’s grace.

I am so grateful for the loving support we received from many dear friends, a local pastor in Jackson Hole, and more.

I urge you to remember that we’re on this earth for just a little while.

Please don’t ever take your life for granted. You don’t know what could happen tomorrow.

Cherish the ones who love you, and pray for the ones who don’t. God gave them to you, and you to them.

Have you thanked Him yet?

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